I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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