I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
