I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
