Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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