Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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