oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
