why didn't you poke me back
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize