I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I FOUND THE LEGS
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
