He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
