and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
