Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize