There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
