Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You can't special order awesome
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
