Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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