mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
