You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
