marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
foreskin is a definite game changer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
