I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
