You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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