I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
