wrigley field is MILF paradise
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
