I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
