I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
