I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
