i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
