you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
