Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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