Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
