part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
