I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
