We won't sleep together?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
