Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize