My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
