Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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