once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
