i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
