Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
