Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
