Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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