I got chris browned last night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
