Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
should my penis look like a turkey
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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