i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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