Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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