Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
