I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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