When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
