I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
