oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
