Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
