Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
