im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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