Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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