I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
