The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
