don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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