Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize