Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
