You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
