he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize