She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
