btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
