I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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