I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
