I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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