and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
