she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
