I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
