Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
